To Breathe, To Live
by UpAmongTheStars
Summary: Sometimes, Boboiboy wonders. He wonders about a lot of things. He wonders about his parents, if they miss him as much as he always misses them. He wonders about Tok Aba, if he ever felt lonely before - before Ochobot, and before Boboiboy decided to stay. [The growing up fic you guys never asked for but are all getting anyway! Dark themes. Summary changes per update. Please review!]
1. decay

They grow up.

It's a natural process.

.

"Gopal?"

"Yeah?"

There's a pause, and Gopal turns to stare at his best friend. Boboiboy is frowning at him from the counter, chin tucked into his arms as he says, "You haven't finished your cocoa." Gopal blinks, looking down at his cup, and sure enough, it's still filled halfway.

Huh.

"You okay?" Boboiboy asks. Gopal waves him off.

" 'course I am, why wouldn't I be?"

.

Gopal stops starting the day with cocoa. He'll only drink it after school.

.

Gopal pales at the sight in Yaya's arms.

"Why do you have so many biscuits?!" he yelps, scrambling to put the counter between them. Yaya cracks a sheepish smile, saying, "I might have... forgotten the time?" Boboiboy and Ying stare in fascinated horror at the twenty-or-something packs of biscuits. They slowly try to inch away.

 _Understatement of the year_ , both of them think.

.

The birds surprisingly like her biscuits.

Consequentially, Yaya ends up baking twice as much.

.

The third time Fang doesn't respond to his name, Yaya gets worried.

She shares a glance with Gopal, before stepping closer to peer at him. His breathing is fine, but his eyes are glassy, and Yaya wonders if something is wrong. Gopal had tried waving a hand in front of him, but she'd stopped the other before he outright went to shake their friend.

Yaya tries calling his name again.

.

He spaces out often.

And every time, Fang finds it harder to make his way back.

.

Boboiboy wakes up to incessant shaking.

"Hng - wha..?" he mumbles, trying to rub at his eyes as someone keeps nudging his shoulder. He feels heavy, for some reason. Kind of like the aftermath of using his powers too much, but Boboiboy can't remember fighting anyone today. He finally manages to blink himself awake after someone calls his name.

He peers up at a worried Fang and frowns.

"What happened?"

The other visibly relaxes at that. Obviously, asking questions meant he was okay. Now, if Fang would only tell Boboiboy what happened...

"You fell asleep," Fang explains. "While we were _walking_."

.

It happens a lot after that.

He starts sleeping _everywhere_. Aside from some minor bruises, Boboiboy thought it was funny. At least, until he'd almost gone missing.

.

Her pens are empty again.

Ying purses her lips as she rifles through her pencil case, trying to find something she can write with. She opens a notebook and starts scribbling, but after a few moments, comes to a conclusion. All her pens are dead, and even the pencils need sharpening.

She'd left her sharpener at home.

 _Well_ , she sighs, _No harm in borrowing from a friend, right?_

 _._

They all start keeping pens for Ying.

.

"They're _kids_ ," Tok Aba frowns - no, _glares_ , at the politician offering him the briefcase. Behind him, the gang exchanges glances.

"Ah, but sir, their help would be invaluable - "

"As is their _life_ ," he cuts them off, the fire in his eyes making the loitering journalists flinch. Good. Tok Aba levels them with a look of a protective parent, voice firm like tempered steel as he tells them, "They're kids, and they deserve a proper childhood. No amount of money is going to change that."

 _Even if it's Gopal who has to whine about it_ , he thinks.

Eventually, the men leave them alone.

.

The kids insist they run the shop that weekend. He looks at them fondly and says okay.

Tok Aba watches them as he takes the day off.


	2. sin

A second. She'd been a _second_ too late.

Ying, for all her speed, had been distracted. She curses herself as she runs to Fang, watch lighting up just as she crouches beside him. "Ying," he grits out, eyes squinting through the pain, "I - I'm fine, go help the others." Idly, she notices how bright the net is.

"I'm _not_ leaving you here," she says, tone incredulous. Ying reaches out to help him but stops when he makes a sound of protest. "Don't," Fang hisses, shuddering as he tries to free himself. "It's - it does something t- aghrk," he whimpers, and Ying starts to panic at the way he struggles, "To t-the watches."

"Fang - "

" _Go_ , Ying."

Her eyes harden at that.

"No."

And before the other can protest, she wraps her mind around the power inside her and _tugs_. "Time manipulation," she mutters, and weaves the field around him, "Slow-mo power." Ying watches Fang's eyes widen before time catches up with him and slows down.

She starts to work.

She tugs at the net covering him, grunting when it gets stuck. Ying makes sure to pull away when she feels an odd tingle on her arm, knowing the it's the net trying to catch her. She keeps her mind on the task and tries not to think about repercussions, tries not to imagine what Fang is feeling.

She isn't a miracle worker. Of all the times she's done this before, it was never on someone who was already suffering. The key is in the name: slow motion. Her watch isn't stopping time, and it isn't stopping pain. Fang is drawing the short end here, but Ying is going to save him.

And she is willing to pay the price.


	3. tourist

The first time he has to leave, they're almost in sixth grade.

"Come on, Ying," Yaya tries, but their resident flash wasn't budging. Ying had taken to glaring at her notebook ever since Fang told them about his 'space vacation,' as Gopal sulkily dubbed it. His brother had asked if he wanted to help with the powersphere labs, and after a few hours of thinking, he'd eventually accepted.

His friends hadn't taken it well. Apart from Boboiboy - who surprisingly understood, and Fang honestly wonders _how_ \- the rest hadn't wanted him to go. Fang had to explain everything to ease their worries, telling them how the captain would be with him, how he'd come back as soon as he could, and _no, he wasn't going to the dark side, what the hell, Gopal._

Yaya was worried and Gopal still sulked, but at least they'd relented.

Ying had no such plans.

(It's... weird, to say at least, having people who want him to stay. He thinks he feels happy about it, but that could just be the summer heat talking.)

Fang tries not to cringe as Yaya was ignored yet again. This was why he hadn't wanted to tell them. It would have been easier to just go without a warning, but - but somehow, that felt too close to a betrayal. Fang remembers that day, the day he made his choice with the sky and the stars as his witnesses to stay on earth and protect his friends.

He was reluctant, but he wasn't going to betray them. Not again.

Belatedly, he realizes Boboiboy is looking at him. Fang squashes down the sudden defensiveness and simply looks back. They stare at each other for a moment, before Boboiboy smiles and says, "You should try talking to her." Fang looks away and sighs, shoulder slouching. "You think it will help?" he asks, and the other shrugs, flashing him another encouraging smile.

Fang huffs, but stuffs his hands in his pockets and approaches Ying anyway. The girl notices and spares him an accusing glance, before going back to her notebook. "Ying," he starts, but frowns and pauses, suddenly unsure. Maybe he _should_ stay. He doesn't have to help, his brother was more than capable of doing whatever needed to be done, and earth _was_ his territory now —

"What?"

He blinks. "I'll... come back."

Ying raises a brow at him. "Are you telling me or asking?"

"I'm promising."

Her eyes widen at that, but Fang can still see the conflict in them. She looks away then, deep in thought, but before she can say her piece, Boboiboy offers his. "Hey, Ying," he calls from his spot by the counter, and all of them turn to look at him. Eyes bright with something like mischief, he asks, "Don't you want Fang to bring back alien souvenirs?"

Just like that, the tension breaks.

Ying is stuck between confusion and disbelief. Yaya cracks an exasperated smile, and Gopal is getting increasingly curious. Fang can practically see the sudden stars in their oldest friend's eyes. He levels a look at the perpetrator and practically deadpans, "They're from my _home_ , why are you calling them souvenirs."

The other just grins at him, and he shakes his head. He turns back to Ying, who frowns in thought before sighing. "Fine," she huffs, before squinting at him with the promise of retribution and adding, "But you better not forget those souvenirs!" Fang groans and rubs at his face, wondering why he these people are his friends.

"Fine, okay. I'll get the souvenirs."

He hides his smile beneath his hands.

* * *

It takes a few months, but he comes back.

He barely manages three steps when Ying and Gopal _tackle_ him into the ground, teary-eyed and surprised and _happy_. Fang wants to laugh a little, but he can't really do much of anything with his lungs being crushed and all. Someone does it for him, though, and he looks up to see Boboiboy trying to stifle his laughs as Yaya asks, "Need help?"

He barely manages to wheeze out a 'yes, please.'


	4. lips

He freezes when his skin starts to stretch.

Gopal bites his lip, trying not to make a noise. They're still in the middle of dealing with angry aliens, and he _really_ doesn't want them to catch him again. They didn't look like the type to use space guns, but who knew, right? That last blast had hit his side and it had been _painful_.

He feels his skin stretch tighter and tries to remember how to breathe.

It's something the watch does, Ochobot explains once. Gopal had been too deep into his homework to listen properly, but he can remember the important parts. Half of their powers worked like armour. It kept them in once piece, taking damage and minimizing it, or evening it out when it couldn't.

Physically, they healed quickly. Didn't mean it wasn't painful.

Absently, he wonders if Boboiboy and Fang have to deal with this, too. Yaya seemed to have it, and Ying probably wouldn't say, even if she did. They never talked about it, save for that one time, but maybe they should. At least he'd know if the others had any tips other than 'don't panic, just breathe.'

Gopal takes another breath and lets the weird feeling wash over him, patiently waiting it out. When it's done, he licks his lips and finds the familiar taste of blood.

He wonders when it started tasting familiar.


	5. hollow

They've just gotten back to base when it finally sinks in.

Yaya freezes in her tracks, blood running cold as the past hour replays itself in her head. They'd been after another powersphere, but the one who had it - a miner with green skin and pale eyes - hadn't wanted to give it up, forcing her and her friends to fight for it.

While smaller than them, the miner's companions had been a _legion_. All of them had no less than two close calls, the worst being Gopal's when he'd been trapped under a dozen of their enemies with an actual _bomb_. Yaya barely managed to get him out of it with Ying's help.

After that, she was angry.

They all were, maybe minus Gopal. Yaya remembers the red that clouded her vision and made her punches more lethal, because how _could_ they. They were trying to help keep the galaxy safe. They were _kids_ , just trying to keep each other safe, but the miner had really wanted to _kill_ them.

But even knowing that, knowing how the miner had used his power to abuse a planet enough to destabilize its gravitational and atmospheric field, wasn't enough to quell the unease that churned in her gut when she remembered that one alien she'd punched harder than the others.

The one she'd faced just after saving Gopal.

Yaya remembers how the alien's helmet had shattered, and remembers how they're in _space_. She hadn't seen anything, had been in too much of a rush to get Gopal out of there, but she didn't have to see to know how the alien is dead.

And she had —

"Yaya?"

The sound of her name startles her out of her thoughts. Shaking her head, Yaya musters up a smile and turns to a worried Ying. "What is it?"

"Are..." Her friend falters and frowns even more. "Are you okay?"

Yaya hums, sliding her gaze away and saying, "I'm alright." She wasn't, and she hated not telling Ying, but she needed time to sort her thoughts. Taking a deep breath, Yaya excuses herself and makes her way to a training room. She can still feel Ying's gaze, but is glad when the other lets her go.

She doesn't notice the red pair of eyes trained on her.

* * *

Excluding the restricted areas, their base's layout is fairly simple. Yaya studies the basic map of it she found while digging through the archives. By her estimate, it's been a few hours since she last talked to Ying, and the time alone has done wonders for her thoughts.

(She thinks has the acceptance part down. She's still working with the rest.)

Knee-deep in schematics, Yaya barely notices when someone enters the control room. It's only when the footsteps come close enough does she look up to find Fang peering curiously at the datapad she has in her hands.

"So this is where you were," he muses, stepping closer when Yaya shifts the datapad for him to see, "Is that a map?"

"One I could access, yes," Yaya gives it a glance, before looking back at the other. "Did... you need anything, Fang?"

"Hm? Oh, uh, no. Just wanted to say that the others were looking for you." There's a flash of hesitation in his eyes, before Fang turns away and crosses his arms, hunching in on himself. Seeing him so awkward and unsure makes Yaya smile, if only a little.

"Fang - "

"I saw what happened," the other says softly, gaze catching hers before flicking away. Yaya's eyes widen, and she wonders what he thinks of her now, if he's mad or - "If you need someone to talk about it, I'm willing to listen."

"I..." Yaya swallows, trying to talk past the sudden lump in her throat. She doesn't know what to say. Reading people is her specialty, and she knows Fang is a good person, has known it since the first time she met him, but she's - she's _afraid_ to tell, even if he's her friend.

"I'm alright." The sentence tumbles out of her before she can stop it, and she wants to frown at herself. So much for accepting things.

Silence falls, and for a while, neither of them speak. Fang stares at her and she stares at the datapad, trying to gather enough courage to look him in the eyes. Because she _does_ want to talk about it, but a part of her - the one that always strives to be the best - has always been afraid of being judged.

Yaya startles when she feels a hand on her shoulder.

She looks up at Fang, who's frowning at her with a look she's never seen on him before. Idly, she feels the hand on her squeeze a little as he says, "You're not okay." And _oh_ , she thinks, because of course Fang would understand, he's been in space longer and he's probably the same - "And that's fine."

"It's fine," she echoes with a little nod, which makes Fang smile. Because while it isn't _exactly_ fine, at least now Yaya knows that there's someone who understands, someone who will remind her that it's okay to _not_ be fine.

And that's all she needs, really.

Fang gives her shoulder a few pats and says, "You should go. Ying's probably still looking for you, and I'd rather not get chewed out. I can give you a better copy of the base schematics later, and if you still need to talk..."

"I know," Yaya offers him a smile, and this time, it's much more genuine. "Thank you."


	6. ash

Sometimes, Boboiboy wonders.

He wonders about a lot of things. He wonders about his parents, if they miss him as much as he always misses them. He wonders about Tok Aba, if he ever felt lonely before - before Ochobot, and before Boboiboy decided to stay. He wonders about his friends, about how none of them seem to have regular families, but it's not as bad as the rest of the world said it would be.

He wonders about Yaya —

Kind and understanding, if only she'd let them return the favour.

He wonders about Ying —

Always with something to prove, despite being the smartest person he knows (minus his granddad, of course).

He wonders about Gopal —

With cheer so genuine despite all the things he has to fear.

He wonders about Fang —

Longing to belong but so unwilling to give himself that weakness (even though it's _not_ ).

Then there's him —

A boy who's simple and ordinary, until one day, he's not.

(And sometimes, he wonders —

How would his life be, if he wasn't given his powerwatch?)

* * *

He doesn't regret it.

Getting the watch, playing the hero, saving earth. Even after everything that's happened to them —

 _(the spaceship disappears, but the black hole doesn't and no nono_ _ **noNO**_ _, his friends are still here and they're getting sucked in, he has to help them but he's just a_ kid _and he's tired and he can't do_ _ **anything**_ _, he already lost ochobot, he lost his_ _ **best friend**_ _, what more will they_ _ **take**_ _from him, what more can they_ _ **want**_ _)_

— he still doesn't regret it.

(But _god_ , had he been so close.)

* * *

 _a/n: hi guys! just dropping by to say that after this chapter, im going to take a little break. mostly because ive run out of ideas and college is back and kicking my ass sakdjfhkjasd. please do review, i'll take them even if they arent coherent, and hope you guys enjoyed what's been written so far!_


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